otterparade:

cityofbadass:

Do you ever wonder about how an author would describe you in a novel? Not only your appearance but the way you talk and laugh and hold yourself and all the expressions on your face?

“And then there’s this asshole”

the-tardis-gets-wifi:

cisbloodscum:

it makes me really uncomfortable that 12am comes before 11am

let’s file this under things that I was not fully aware of until a text post happened

googlehomie:

you’re gonna regret not dating me after I get hot

so-many-feels:

deucebowl:

If I were a magic wizard I wouldn’t harm people when they pissed me off, I’d just put these really fucked up random curses on them, like every time they saw a school bus they would shit their pants, or every time someone said the word Thursday they would pretend they were a dragon for 20 seconds.

i think you would be a very good wizard.

harmalade:

want to call someone a mean name but don’t want to use a slur? here are some non-oppressive things to call someone you don’t like

• underboob sweat
• scleral tattoo
• subterranean nostril zit
• sloshing bag of shitwater
• off-brand cola aftertaste
• Dan Savage
• lichen on the antlers of satan

that-disney-blog:

there are 3 types of people in the world: those that call him Flynn, those that call him Eugene and those that have no clue what I’m talking about

zaynthirsty:

HE LOOKS LIKE 2011 ZAYN IM PUKING

bonehatter:

This is the sassiest fucking dashboard set up I’ve seen in my entire life.

ejacutastic:

when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko

sherlocksmyth:

sherlocksmyth:

one time my religion teacher who has a monobrow asked me “what the hell did you do to your hair?” because i had a blonde streak through it and i said “what the hell did you do to your eyebrow” and he sent me outside

when i came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and i said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one as in monobrow and he sent me out again

niallsdarlinforever:

donnysoldier:

remember when harry and louis told us about their sex life in an interview and zayn had the oh so subtle reaction of sticking his head in a helmet